Why is it that if you are single when you turn 30 that people seem to pity you? So many people seem to put a deadline on things as they approach the big 3 0. It might be that they want to be married before reaching the milestone or they want to have their first child by that age.
I have been single for quite a while now (probably longer than I can remember if I’m honest) through choice and I love it. Of course I have met guys during this time but I’m not going to force a spark if there’s nothing there. Why would you want to settle for less just for the sake of a ‘deadline’.
To be fair I have never wanted children for many reasons I won’t bore you with, I just don’t think it’s for me. I’m also not bothered about being married either. Even without feeling like I need these things, I don’t think you should be forcing them.
The best thing is when you bump into people you haven’t seen in ages or went to school with and they always ask if you’re married or have kids. Why are you seen as some kind of failure if you’re single. It’s when they say ‘don’t worry you will meet someone’ like my life is empty otherwise. I know success is subjective but I don’t view that as being successful. No one asks if you’re happy and that’s all that should matter.
I think that it’s worse for women to be single at 30 than for men. People think that there is something fundamentally wrong with women if they are single but it’s ok for men as they are just playing the field. I hate these double standards. Don’t even get me started on how you are treated if you dare to say you don’t want children. Apparently it’s not normal to not want children. Why is it still assumed that everyone does and how has it become everyone elses business?
In all honesty I don’t want to have to think about another person. I don’t think that we should be afraid to be ‘selfish’. I enjoy my own company so it would take someone amazing to get me to change my life. I think that there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.
Where is your coat from? It’s gorgeous! Great blog 🙂 Hit the nail on the head!! Also very glad that Felicity the snail made it into the photos xx
It’s from Zara a couple of years ago now I think. I wanted her in the photos although I didn’t know that was her name. I was calling her Steve 🙈 xx
I am right there with you love. It’s like the minute you turn 30 you are cast as a pitiful, spinster. Never mind that not everyone wants to get married and have kids, or that both of those things requires you finding someone great for you who doesn’t just drop out the sky. Or many he does and I missed something lol
What a great post! I just turned 35 and I keep being asked when I’ll have children or what’s even worse people talk to me as if I’m jealous and frustrated with anyone who’s managed to have them. And I completely agree with you, the double standards are awful. It’d be nice if people could just live and let live, it’s not like we’re forcing our lifestyle choices on others.
Maya | londondamsel.co.uk
Thank you! It is completely ridiculous how people feel it’s any of their business. It’s always assumed I’m jealous of couples but we all want different things out of life!
I’m forever asked ”Are you married / have a partner / children?” I have none! When I hit my 20s, I did think (and hope) I would find someone in my late 20s, potential to go serious and then settle by early 30s. Hasn’t happened, and I’ve now come to the conclusion, what will be, will be. Yes, I would love to have a partner and settle down and start a family, but like you said there is no point forcing something for the sake of wanting something. In the long run that will only end up in disappointment! Plenty of people still say to me ”Oh, you’re only 30, you’re still young,” . . .
On the flip side of that though I have friends who settled down early, have families, and some have even said to me ”I wish I had your life”. So although I say I want the ideal ”ending”, actually I am going to enjoy it as much as I can, because one day this will all change (when my time is here . .), and then I’ll probably whinge ”I wish I had my old single life back” lol.
That’s such a good point, I never thought of it from the point of view of people who have settled down. I know couples who got together at school, never dated anyone else, married and had kids. That’s great if they are happy but I imagine some maybe wish they had experienced more of a ‘single’ life. I guess a lot of people always think the grass greener on the other side!
I also don’t know how people meet their partners now. So many internet date and I don’t think I could ever do that. Just as well I’m happy as I am! lol
I’m 24, I’m single and I am happy as I am. I’ve never been the type of person to ‘need’ a man or children in order to make me happy.
I think loads of people are just nosy, rude and narrow-minded, and that’s why they ask and/or put pressure. Loads of people blindly follow the lifescript without giving it a second thought, and you’re kind of expected to follow the herd even if it makes you miserable.
At the end of the day, the only thing that counts is making sure you’re happy and fulfilled within yourself. That should come from within, not from external factors – i.e. man, marriage, kids, giving into society’s demands, etc.
I always think of you can’t be happy on your own, how can you be happy with someone else?
YES to everything here! I turned 30 in September last year and I feel like I’m walking around with a flashing sign over my head saying “SINGLE! ASK ME ABOUT IT CONSTANTLY!”
I do want kids and obviously I’m aware that biologically there’s a time limit on that one however, for the most part I’m perfectly okay with being single. I don’t feel the NEED to be in a relationship nor do I want my single-ness to define me, or be looked upon as a negative thing.
Like you, I actually enjoy being alone a lot of the time and being “selfish” with what I do with my life. I’m not prepared to change that for just anyone for the sake of not being everyone’s “single friend”.
Having now hit 31 and still being single the ‘are you married?’ questions come thick and fast. I even had the boiler serviced and was told that I could tell my husband that every is in good working order. I wish people wouldn’t just assume!
Ha, wow! That’s so incredibly sexist and presumptive it’s almost funny!